When I consciously take time to think about my past, present, and future, I am beyond happy and blessed to say that I regret nothing. I went on a path that I was afraid of for so long, had to make some tough decisions on the way, but I didn't know there was a MUCH GREATER plan for me.🥰
I've been thinking about my volleyball career lately. Starting as a five sport athlete and falling in love with a game that makes me restless, fearless, and everything in-between. I struggled for a long time with self-confidence and self-esteem, but when I stepped on a volleyball court, it was like the compulsions and standards of people didn't matter. I was able to be free and express myself through playing. It is a relationship that is unexplainable.
Starting in middle school and continuing through high school to college. Each time I mastered a level, I felt like I had to start completely over. So sometimes It felt like being uncomfortable in my skin, my place of sanity or safety. Something that I knew and loved, how could it make me so nervous about being around people who think such a similar thing about the sport. I'm not sure, but it happened. I noticed I focused so much of my life on volleyball. It was so bad people would hear my name and think volleyball. I love to watch it. I love to talk about it. I like to explain and watch other people try to play. At some point, I may have had a problem. I asked myself, “ Jay, what about everything else in your life that you love or care about? Like God, relationship, family, laughter, and joy. I had to figure out how to love other things and people the way I loved the game. I realized I had one problem. I didn't know who I was outside of volleyball. I didn't hold conversations well because I didn't know what to talk about. I didn't know any popular topics at the time. I wasn't very outgoing, I was shy, or some my say quiet. Also been told that I had RBF 😑. I thought it was great that I was making this next step, but It was a lot harder than I expected. I went through a weird phase of confusion. I confused the idea of love with the concept of presence.
I had to figure out a way to turn my biggest weakness into one of my strengths 💪🏾 What did I love about the game? It was unpredictable, constant changing environment. Also, playing with people who are just thrown together by the coach. Volleyball is so much more than volleying a ball and getting the point. Each person on the court with you understands and sees each play differently 🧐 So if I could be more understanding, open to the perspective, of how my teammates percieved the game, more considerate of their positions, thoughts, feelings, I could relate to them more, thus be more successful at winning.
Somehow I concluded to experience something life-changing; I went out of the country ✈️🌍I went to a completely different world with a group of people I didn't know, to experience something that would cause me to find more similarities in other people and learn how to build bonds. Soon I went out of the country again and again and again….
I was starting to see a pattern, growth. I began to love the person I was becoming, my peers, irreplaceable friends. Volleyball is such a massive part of my life. I may not talk about it as much, but if someone can't understand or is opposed to how important it is to me and my personal growth, they will never be able to understand me wholly.
If anyone has any questions for me, please don't hesitate to ask.
Absolutely Beautiful!