The past few days I have noticed something. Like i said before, I understand more about myself and who I am and since I have more transparency with myself, I can see other peoples motives more clearly.
Ive been in and out of a relationship for a while that I’ve been knowing for a long time wasn’t right. I was in denial I wanted that comfort and routine because I felt like the relationship had so much potential. I had a break from it when I was focused on myself. After a little while I was giving the relationship another try. Why, if It wasn’t the best before? I don’t know, the history , the potential, being in “love”.
It took was 1 conversation for me to understand something that I have known for a while but haven’t had the guts to admit to myself. As a women you try not to ask for TOO MUCH from a man. At this age, I was asking for someone to be willing. Willing to try, to understand, to communicate, just willing to have a better relationship. After that one conversation I understood that what I wanted was too much. I understood that I put expectations on a person that had their own expectations for themself and our relationship. I wanted to be in a potion to help get our expectations for our relationship to align.
After the conversation I had to understand that I was not physiologically compatible with this being, or as the Bible would like to say we were unequally yoked. It was tough, but I had to see that the relationship I was in before I found myself and before I could see myself clearer WOULD NOT change. We could both grow as individuals and mature, but we will always have that lingering distance between us that keeps us from being able to communicate and work well together.
That is okay. I was finally able to admit it and be content without second guessing, why? Because I understood why I was doing it and I understood what would happen if I didn’t do it. THAT, was MY closure.
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